We Predict The Future Of A Warmer & Rainier Singapore
It’s official. The results of the Second National Climate Change Study conducted by the Meteorological Service Singapore’s (MSS) Centre for Climate Research Singapore (CCRS), was released 15th April. The report implies that the we will all start complaining more about the heat when it doesn’t rain, and crey with the skies when it rains. JK, here are the actual statistics:
Betcha ask yourself why your iPhone tells you that it ‘feels like 30°C ‘ when you’re so sure it feels like 40°C. Average surface temps may really approach 40°C by 2070, as researchers anticipate temperature increases of 1.4°C – 4.6°C. They also predict a mean rise of 0.25m – 0.76m in tides and an upward trend in the intensity and frequency of heavy rainfall, especially during the monsoon seasons.
And as typical Singaporeans who like to make a big deal out of everything, we spent some time pondering how Singaporeans will tide (geddit?) through these changes the next few years.
Here are some of our predictions:
1. #yoloswek will be reborn into #yolosweat
Everything calls for a hashtag, so this one will obviously become a thing. Weather crises hitting Singapore equates to trends like #SGHAZE and #SGFLOODS. In about 1- 2 years, #yolosweat will be born when it gets so hot that people just don’t give a damn anymore.
2. Amos Yee will turn over a new leaf
There may come a time when Amos Yee decides to take baby steps in transforming his reputation. How? By joining the rest of Singapore in ranting about the weather, instead of landing himself in even more trouble by continuously discussing sensitive issues.
3. Someone will invent a very appropriate emoji
And it shall be named “Really Unhappy and Sweaty Emoji”. Singlish was constructed to serve the purpose of shortening sentences like “please make way” to “SCUSE“. Now, emoji vocabulary will condense “WALAO EH DAMN HOT SIA” into this:
4. A second part to Chen Tianwen’s Unbelievable will be released
This time, what’s unbelievable is the weather. We’ve already thought of lyrics that could work and they go something like this: “Un…un…un…un…un…un…un…un…Unbelievably hot, sibei jialat” for verse one and “Un…un…un…un…un…un…un…un…Unbelievably hot and wet, walao eh” for the second.
5. The iPhone 7 plus will automatically bend when the weather is too extreme
A built in mechanism that detects an overly-enthusiastic sun and an excessively moody sky will make your iPhone bend almost instantly. Since we always look at our phones, I guess we’ll never miss another weather update again.
6. #SGCELEBPUNS will be more groan-able than ever
It’s…. pretty self-explanatory.
7. Primary 5 teachers will set another viral mathematics problem
The perfect way to reuse this mathematics question from hell is to test students into solving for the hottest or rainiest day of a month in the same format. Their teachers would be TROLOLOLOL-ing while invigilating, that’s for sure.
8. SMRT will introduce electronic Segways with a built-in cooling system
The future of SMRT transport – where hipster bicycle like scooters replace crowded and constantly breaking down trains. The bonus? They keep you cool, save the environment and can be chartered for 24 hours on special occasions. (Yes, like our MRT trains. Who knew right?)
What do you think future Singapore will be like?
Which of these do you think will become legit? Tell us in the comments!
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