NUS Associate Professor Ben Leong Gives Dating Advice To Men, Asking Them To Pay For Dates

So how should a guy treat a lady right when they are dating? An associate professor from the National University of Singapore (NUS) may just have the answer for you.

Not only does Prof Ben Leong teach Computer Science at the School of Computing in NUS, he also dishes out dating advice on the school’s confession portal, NUS Whispers.


He’s posted two lengthy posts on the portal detailing love and life lessons, on Feb 7 and Feb 11.

Let’s take a look at what profound dating lessons he espouses for young couples.

Part I: Paying for dates

Prof Leong first kicks off the discussion by explaining who he thinks should pay for the date or meal.

Here’s his post in full. We’ve taken notes and summarised it below.


According to Prof Leong, this is why he encourages boys in NUS to pay for dates:

  1. Generous boys can improve their chances at convincing a girl to marry them
  2. By offering to pay first, the boy can tell the girl “Next time your turn!”, automatically scoring a second date
  3. If a girl has two suitors, the boy who offers to pay will stand a higher chance
  4. Prof Leong walks the talk and pays for dates himself
  5. He is confident that the costs of the dates are negligible in the long run
  6. He does not think his girlfriend or wife paying for dates is important
  7. Managing personal finances and paying for dates are two separate matters

Prof Leong also goes on to state that if a boy pays for a girl’s date even if he’s “not rich”, he’ll send these signals:

  1. He’s generous
  2. He’s a confident “alpha male”
  3. He shows that she “matters”

He advocates for the guy to give a “sense of security” to the girls they’re dating, by “this small act of paying for meals”.

And concludes that NUS boys can now be “a little wiser and more “competitive” in the dating market” after reading his post.

Finally, Prof Leong makes a disclaimer about females who prefer to go dutch while dating as well, saying that “Not every thing is about you or feminism. Nobody is saying that you cannot pay for meals if that pleases you.”

However, some netizens were triggered by his use of the word “feminazi” which is a term used to described overly aggressive feminists.

Part II: Paying for dates, explained

Prof Ben Leong’s second post, involves explaining why he holds the views that he wrote about in his first post.

Here’s a screenshot of his equally lengthy explanation. We summarise it after the jump.


Prof Leong acknowledges that his previous 800-word post on paying for dates seemed like an overkill, but he reiterates how he thinks it’s “chivalrous and gentlemanly to pay for the meals” when dating.


He also mentions that some girls need “these little acts of kindness to feel secure” without being accused of “propagating dunno what gender roles and stereotypes”

Not trying to impress them with “alphaness”

He then explained that following his first post, he was accused of these things:

  • Propagating harmful and negative gender roles
  • Being a “dinosaur” and out of touch with the current dating scene
  • Generalising and stereotyping men and women
  • Not knowing how all women think

Prof Leong asserted that he did not wish to “pick a fight with the feminist movement” which has “lofty and good ideals”.

Ideals like equal access to education and jobs, equal pay for work, which would allow them to afford paying for their own meals.

Since then he’s even arranged for a chat with a group of “young idealistic feminists” so they can educate him on their views.

He concludes with his trademark self-deprecating humour, quipping that it’s “probably one of the scariest things that this old fart has done in a while”, asking if anyone can lend him “body amour”.

Dating 101 with Professor of Love

Prof Leong is famously enthusiastic about matchmaking his students with eligible counterparts.

He even previously made headlines for organising BBQs at his house, in an attempt to get his students to socialise in a healthy context.


So even if you don’t agree with his methods, you’ll have to give him credit for trying.

What do you think of his views on dating rules for men? Will paying for dates give them an advantage, or is it different for everyone?

Featured image from Facebook.