Sex is a taboo subject, especially so in an Asian context. Despite this, a Singaporean woman decided to dedicate her life to it and the study of sexology.
Dr Martha Tara Lee is a clinical sexologist based in Singapore who has helped countless individuals with their sexual difficulties.
As a sexologist, she supports her patients by educating them, offering treatment plans or simply listening to their issues with sex.
They can include anything from fear of sex, performance anxiety, sexual communication or skill enhancements.
We got the chance to speak to her in MS News‘ Ask Me Anything segment. Here’s what we’ve learnt about her job and the world of sex.
The 45-year-old introduces herself as a woman who “eats, lives, and breathes sex every day”.
And contrary to most people’s expectations, she said, “sex is not always good”. But it can get better with time and experience.
Dr Lee told us that sex is more than physical exercise—it also involves the heart and brain, allowing us to open ourselves up emotionally to the other person.
As an Asian society, the topic of sex is often shunned and never spoken about as it regularly should. Singapore’s take on sexual education is a testament to that.
Perhaps due to this lack of education, Dr Lee revealed that she’s been able to help her clients that come from all walks of life.
Whether it involves sexual difficulties in the female or male body, she offers her expertise and helps them alleviate their pain points.
During the interview, Dr Lee made it a point to address the misconception that sex ends when the male partner ejaculates.
“We’re so conditioned to seeing it in porn, giving women the idea that we have to appease male partners all the time.
When you’re in a long-term relationship, it can get boring if things always end the same way.
Hence, she highly encouraged Singaporeans to be a little “naughty and mischievous” to “shake things up” and “change things around” in the bedroom.
However, Dr Lee’s job is more than offering to counsel. She also helps couples explore their sexual experiences, enhance their communication with each other, and even cope with different forms of sexually related addiction.
She also shared that she has had the privilege of working with cancer survivors. “Cancer is a topic that’s extremely close to my heart,” she related.
This is because Dr Lee’s mother passed due to breast cancer. Dr Lee said the breasts are closely linked to a woman’s identity and femininity.
Being a taboo subject, sexual issues that Singaporeans face are not commonly made public. However, Dr Lee shared that she has seen an alarming number of cases related to vaginismus in all her time working as a sexologist.
According to WebMD, vaginismus is a condition in which the muscles of a woman’s vagina squeeze or spasm when something is entering it, like a tampon or a penis.
The condition can range from mildly uncomfortable to quite painful.
Dr Lee said in her first 2 years as a sexologist, she worked with 250 cases of vaginismus alone. For context, her supervisor, who’s been working in the United States for 20 years, has only ever come across 2 such cases.
She noted that these findings seem to lend themselves to the idea that vaginismus is primarily an Asian problem.
She also said that the condition is usually anxiety-induced and can come from the desire to have a baby and the fear of marriage, annulments and being cheated on and abused.
Dr Lee expresses concern over Singapore’s decision to take an abstinence-based sexuality education approach.
She said comprehensive sexuality education is, in fact, a human right. Studies have also shown that it helps people make better-educated choices for themselves with regard to their sexuality.
It’s very unfortunate that the lenses through which we view sex education are only heterosexual.
If you’re a couple struggling with intimacy, there are avenues for you to remedy your woes. You can engage Dr Lee here.
The work of a sexologist is important in Singapore as they provide guided self-help on improving one’s relationships and sexual issues.
Thankfully, help is more commonly available now. And despite the general awkwardness of sex topics, this dedicated group of experts maintain a high degree of professionalism.
Depending on the therapist or counsellor, sessions can also be held via Skype, so everything remains discreet if privacy concerns you, enabling you to seek help with peace of mind.
Have news you must share? Get in touch with us via email at news@mustsharenews.com.
Featured image by MS News and adapted from Unsplash.
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