Taking care of a loved one with a mental disorder can take a physical and mental toll on the caregiver.
For one father, taking care of his overly-demanding daughter who had an anxiety disorder became so overwhelming that he accidentally strangled her and took her life.
However at sentencing, the judge recognised that the 66-year-old was a “loving, selfless and devoted father” who spent years taking care of his daughter despite her refusal to seek treatment.
The man was sentenced to 2 years and 9 months’ jail on Monday (12 Oct).
According to Channel NewsAsia (CNA), Tan Tian Chye, 66, strangled his daughter in his Bedok South flat on 19 Nov 2018.
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The Grab driver said he was not aware of what he had done. When he came around, Tan called the police to report his actions.
During investigations, he shared that his daughter, Tan Jiaping Desiree, graduated from university in 2006 but had been unable to keep a job. Since then, both he and his wife have been supporting her.
In 2012, Jiaping was also found to suffer panic attacks and anxiety. Around 6 years later, she was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. However, she declined treatment.
Owing to these factors, his daughter had become demanding and easily agitated. Her parents were required to clean the flat spotlessly, get the right lunch orders and appease her with apologies.
In 2017, Jiaping wanted to buy a Build-To-Order (BTO) flat with her boyfriend, reports The Straits Times.
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She then asked her father to reclaim the $50,000 he had spent on her brother’s education. In addition to that, Tan borrowed $10,000 from his son for Jiaping’s BTO.
She also wanted to be the sole benefactor of her mother’s Central Provident Fund (CPF). To pacify her, her mother made the change.
Still, Jiaping would often hurl vulgarities and become abusive because she was mad that her “lousy” parents were not providing for her enough.
Due to the immense pressure and demands, Tan said his wife had given up on Jiaping.
According to CNA, his daughter’s behaviour pushed him and his wife over the edge. They had even contemplated suicide due to the mental torture.
Nevertheless, he continued to provide and take care of her, even trying to help her overcome her agoraphobia — an abnormal fear of being in helpless situations where it’s difficult to escape.
Tan would take her out instead of working. He even bought a secondhand car for her boyfriend so that he could bring her out when he had to work.
On 19 Nov 2018, Tan became worried that his daughter would hurt him with a knife after threatening him over lunch. So he went into his son’s room to take a metal pole and defended himself with it when Jiaping pointed a knife at him.
He hit her with the pole until she fell and then used a towel to strangle her, The Straits Times reported.
When he came around to his actions, he was stunned at what he had done, and called the police to tell them he had killed her.
Autopsy found that Jiaping died from strangulation.
After Tan’s arrest, a psychiatrist diagnosed him with major depressive disorder and immense caregiver stress. His mental capability would have been significantly affected then.
Before meting out the sentence, Justice Hoo Sheau Peng said “from all accounts, he had been a loving, selfless and devoted father”.
She added that he was the main caregiver for a daughter who suffered psychiatric conditions and had refused to seek treatment.
At the end of the sentencing, Tan cried and thanked the judge before saying, “Thank you everybody. May God bless all of you,” according to CNA.
What happened to Tan and his family was extremely tragic. It also underscores the importance of mental health awareness, so that society can pay more attention and outgrow the stigma that comes with mental issues.
We empathise with Tan, and are heartened to know that the judge agreed to afford his case with sympathy.
We hope 2 years will pass by quickly for him, so he and his family can find a way to move on and seek closure together. May his daughter rest in peace.
If you or your loved ones are experiencing stress or any other mental issues, here are some hotlines to call for emotional support:
Have news you must share? Get in touch with us via email at hello@mustsharenews.com.
Featured image adapted from Google Maps.
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