Many people would agree that online dating was exciting, and perhaps even effective, during its advent.
However, as singles continue to find themselves in a frustrating cycle of trying and failing to find a suitable match, more are beginning to experience ‘dating app fatigue’.
To address this growing dissatisfaction with online dating, Singapore matchmaking agency Lunch Actually and dating app Paktor recently merged, offering alternative ways to help singles find love.
The goal is to provide users with a broader range of dating services and a larger, more diverse pool of potential matches, increasing their chances of getting cuffed.
In a poll on Answers.sg asking Singaporeans if they would try a matchmaking service, 56% of 1,524 respondents said they would not.
Meanwhile, 44% expressed interest in exploring this unconventional dating option, even though 20% of this number had some reservations.
To understand these different perspectives, MS News spoke to four respondents — two who are open to matchmaking services, one with reservations, and one who has no interest in trying them.
While they had varied opinions on matchmaking services, most voiced dissatisfaction and skepticism about the effectiveness of dating apps, drawing from their own experiences or those of their friends.
Bob, a 26-year-old office worker who is currently single and looking for a relationship, is curious to try matchmaking services to “see what it’s like.”
He explained that, as an adult who spends most of his time working, he rarely meets new people organically.
His social interactions are largely limited to colleagues or people from neighbouring offices, who he finds hard to connect with due to a lack of common interests.
While hobby communities exist, the ones he’s part of are predominantly male.
Additionally, Bob admitted that he doesn’t know where exactly people go to find a partner, something a matchmaking service can help with.
“You always get advice about going out and meet people and when you ask, they just say places like bars, clubs, or some ambiguous places like anywhere in the world.”
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Harold, 31, echoes his sentiment, noting that meeting new people becomes more challenging once you start working, unlike during his school days when he would meet new faces every semester.
Additionally, he said that it feels awkward to meet someone at or through work.
Harold, who is currently single but not actively searching for a relationship, sees matchmaking as a way to ensure both parties are on the same page from the get-go.
He mentioned being approached in public in the past, only to discover it was for insurance sales, multi-level marketing, or religious recruitment.
“Meeting someone through matchmaking services means the other person won’t be uncomfortable on the first impression, which is nice,” Harold expressed.
Harold also noted that dating apps aren’t much different from matchmaking services, especially if you’re paying for a premium account.
Rina, 21, is also single and not actively seeking a relationship, but says she is open to one if the opportunity arrives.
Though she prefers meeting potential partners naturally, she’s willing to consider a matchmaking service, with some reservations.
Rina believes her specific type is hard to find in Singapore, which she feels would make a matchmaking service quite helpful.
“I prefer men with European or Middle Eastern ethnicity as I’m one myself,” she explained.
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In Singapore and across Southeast Asia, Rina hasn’t encountered many Arabs, and she found the Europeans she met “too wild.”
She mentioned that whenever she traveled, she felt more inclined to date compared to when she is in Singapore.
As for her concerns about matchmaking services, Rina said, “I don’t think it works, as they will only match you with others who sign up for the service, so the pool is too small.”
While online dating could address the lack of organic connections, Bob, Harold, and Rina have all tried dating apps without much success.
Despite the wider pool of dating prospects, Rina still struggled to find someone who fits her preferences.
She described her experience with an app as “horrible,” saying the people she encountered were “odd,” which led her to delete it after just two days.
Bob, on the other hand, feels dating apps are “very hit or miss” these days.
“It seems like the standards on there are getting more unrealistic,” he explained, noting that people now need something “extra” like attractiveness or humor to stand out and get swiped right.
He also mentioned that scam or fake profiles add another layer of difficulty to the online dating scene.
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Bob and Rina aren’t alone in their frustration with dating apps.
In the 2024 Singles Dating Survey by Lunch Actually Paktor Group, 88% of the 350 participants said they had taken a break from dating apps due to dissatisfaction.
The top reasons cited for abandoning the apps were the superficial interactions (36%), fake profiles (23%), and ghosting (21%).
Interestingly, 66% of respondents associated dating apps with feelings of disappointment, while 62% felt their efforts rarely led to satisfactory outcomes.
Harold, however, maintains positive about dating apps, even though he hasn’t found a long-term relationship through them.
“If you manage your expectations properly, I think you’ll get exactly what you want out of it,” he says.
“If you see it as a tool to meet a lot of potential partners, then it’s a pretty good tool. But if you see it as a way to get married quickly, then it’d probably seem pretty bad.”
Harold also acknowledged that the convenience of meeting many people at once inevitably leads to more rejections.
Still, he considers the ease of cutting ties on dating apps as a positive, compared to ending relationships in person where emotions may complicate the process.
“The extra distance makes it easier for the both of you to reject each other — which I view as a positive since sometimes people go along with someone just because it feels bad to hurt them when you face them in person.”
If he were still interested in dating, Harold said dating apps are certainly an option he would consider.
Like Rina, Nurul, 24, is single and not looking for a relationship, but would be open to one “if it comes”.
However, unlike the former who would try matchmaking services but has reservations, Nurul is not keen on finding love this way at all.
She said she wouldn’t pay for matchmaking and prefers meeting someone “naturally”.
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If not, she would leave it to people she knows and trusts, like her parents and friends, to introduce her to a “good person”.
Unlike the other interviewees, Nurul knows people who met each other through matchmaking, though not paid ones.
Nurul shared about her older relatives who are still happily married to their matchmade spouses, but she wonders why matchmaking has become uncommon.
As for dating apps, Nurul has never used one and “don’t [sic] really prefer the idea of it”.
She thinks that it’s easier to be a victim of catfishing online and doubts that it’s where she would find a serious relationship.
“I heard many successful stories from others, so it worked for some of them! At the same time, I heard nightmares from it too,” she shared.
Violet Lim, Group CEO of Lunch Actually Paktor Group, spoke to MS News to address some concerns about matchmaking services.
While they have a diverse and expanding member base along with over a thousand matchmakers worldwide, Ms. Lim emphasised that they focus on matching people based on shared values and goals “rather than just ticking boxes on nationality or background.”
She explained that they consider each single’s profile and preferences and help them explore what would make for their “most compatible” match.
Ms Lim also acknowledged that spending money to find love can feel like a big decision but sees it as an investment in one’s happiness and future.
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In addition, she clarified that their matchmaking service goes beyond introductions. Clients also benefit from a dedicated team of matchmakers and dating coaches.
“We do the heavy lifting of screening, vetting, and arranging your dates so that you can focus on building a meaningful connection.”
Ms Lim added that many of their clients are successful professionals and entrepreneurs who prefer not to waste time on endless swiping and messaging.
“To them, time is money. They rather engage the service of a professional to help them identify compatible matches that fit their dating preferences and if they too fit what the other person is looking for as well.”
Of course, Ms Lim also understands people’s preference for organic encounters, but feels that with the busy lives we lead today, such serendipitous encounters may take a long time to happen.
She believes that using a dating service is still authentic, genuine, and doesn’t take away the magic, but enhances it.
“Like what my first client to get engaged through us said, ‘Love is love. It does not matter if you find it at the bus stop, on the airplane, or at a dating service!'”
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Featured image adapted from René Ranisch on Unsplash and Kiet Trinh on Unsplash for illustration purposes only.
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