Content warning: This article discusses suicide. Reader discretion is advised.
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“I have this little photo of my late daughter that I carry around shortly after her funeral,” said Ms E (not her real name), her eyes welling with tears.
“Recently, I brought this photo along when I went to Seoul, Korea, so she could ‘see’ snow for the first time. She had always wanted to see snow but didn’t have the chance to do so when she was alive.”
Ms E, a mother in her 40s, lost her beloved 15-year-old daughter in 2023 after she took her own life.
Though she still grieves her death every day, Ms E continues to advocate against bullying — the issue that led her daughter to end her life.
Ms E shares her story with MS News in hopes of preventing another family from experiencing the same heartbreak.
Her eyes lit up as she shared how her daughter, WY, was a “shy and sweet girl”. She was someone who wasn’t loud and didn’t seek the spotlight.
Instead, she exuded a “quiet confidence” and you could see it from the sparkle in her eyes in pictures.
“She really likes drawing a lot as she is able to express herself through art,” Ms E shared, showing some of WY’s artworks saved on her phone.
From the artworks, it is not difficult to tell that her daughter was very gifted when it came to drawing and sketching.
When asked about her fondest memory of her daughter, Ms E shared that it had to be when she was in Primary 6. She described it as her daughter’s “peak” when she was doing well in school and felt “happy”.
She also shared proudly that WY had received Edusave awards, given to select students for their academic and non-academic achievements, all through her primary school years.
That all changed in 2021, after the March school holidays when WY no longer wanted to go to school. She was in Secondary 2 then.
There was a noticeable “sadness in her eyes”, said Ms E, and she no longer had that air of quiet confidence about her.
Later, Ms E learnt from WY’s grandmother that she was being bullied at school. Her daughter had confided in her grandmother that she was being ostracised by her peers in class.
As a result of the bullying (which ended the same year after the school took action to communicate with the bullies), she developed depression and later struggled with bulimia, a serious eating disorder.
After learning that her daughter was suffering from depression, she sent her for psychotherapy sessions at a private clinic. These sessions were on a weekly basis and lasted for an hour each time.
Although the sessions were effective, they were forced to stop after a month due to the costly fees.
Ms E shared that the family, which had a household income of S$1,200 per person, paid S$400 for each psychotherapy session.
WY would later see a psychiatrist at the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) where sessions were more affordably priced at S$40 to S$60 per session.
However, even after a period of almost three months, Ms E did not see an improvement in her daughter’s condition.
The mother also shared that WY’s form teacher had tried to help by forming a support group with some of her friends in class, ensuring that WY had someone to turn to during school hours.
Despite these efforts, WY’s condition did not get better.
Her mother shared that there were times when she would cry, isolate herself in her room, or simply not want to get out of bed.
On 25 July 2023, her daughter told her that she was going for a walk to clear her head, recalled Ms E with tears in her eyes.
That was the last time she saw her daughter alive. She was 15 years and 8 months old.
Ms E was devastated, and it took her a long time to cope with the tragic loss.
“For the first week, I wanted to follow my daughter,” she said. “She was my only child. My life was built around her. Without her, I feel completely lost.”
To make matters worse, she and her ex-husband separated after their daughter’s passing.
She now attends Buddhism classes once a week to help manage her grief.
“I’m also learning so I’m not too sure, but my advice for other parents struggling with the loss of a child is to find an outlet,” said Ms E.
She frequently looks at photos of her daughter on Facebook, sharing them with family and friends so they can reminisce about the fond memories together.
Ms E told MS News that she has kept all of her daughter’s toys, artworks, and belongings, and she takes a small photograph of WY wherever she goes.
She also makes small donations to charities in her daughter’s name and performs random acts of kindness, like helping the elderly cross the street, to honour her late daughter’s memory.
Ms E hopes to be reunited with her daughter one day, when her time comes.
She also hopes her daughter is “happy now” and wants her to know that she understands how she felt and forgives her for taking her own life.
The pain, however, will always remain. “Her peers will move on in life and make new memories,” she said. “My daughter will forever be stuck at 16 years old.”
When asked how society could do better to address mental health issues among youth, she said:
Be kinder. You never know what people are going through in their lives.
She also emphasised that cyberbullying should not be tolerated, as it can have adverse effects on a young person’s mental health.
She suggested that schools and workplaces should provide more support by stepping in to assist both the victim and the bully.
In cases of school bullying, Ms E recommended that the victim’s and bully’s parents, along with the school, should work together to address the issue.
There is also much to be done to support struggling caregivers of children affected by mental health issues, Ms E said.
The Government, for instance, should make mental health treatment more affordable and accessible as depression and other mental health issues are “very real” issues today.
She also suggested that parents of children diagnosed with mental health issues, especially depression, should be given special leave to bring their children to mental care appointments.
Ms E said she often had to take personal leave to bring WY for her appointments, as her daughter was “not mentally well enough to go on her own” by public transport.
This in turn caused some conflict between her and her team at work, as colleagues had to cover her.
Besides that, she and her ex-husband often had to take time off work to ferry WY to and from school. “There were times WY got very down and cried a lot, and we had to calm her down. It was very stressful for both of us,” she added.
Despite the challenges, it didn’t matter. Ms E said she wished she had told her daughter the extent of her love.
To parents with young children, she had this to say:
Teach them that no matter how the world treats you, your parents are always there for you and you must be strong to overcome them. Only what your loved ones think of you matter, not the world. And your loved ones will never think you are bad or not good enough. I wish I had told WY this more when she was at that age.
Ms E also wants to tell young people struggling with depression that they “must live on” and cherish their lives.
She said: “Everything will be ok. Even though it may seem dark and bleak now, time will heal and positive actions will relieve your pain.”
“Remember, there is someone who loves you,” she added.
She then looked into the distance and pondered for a bit, seemingly trying to find the right words.
“Oh yes, I remember now. ‘The world is better with you in it.’ I saw this quote online before,” she said with a smile.
If you or anyone you know needs support, do try calling these hotlines:
There are also other forms of support. For more information, visit SupportGoWhere or HealthHub’s MindSG.
Also read: S’porean Mother Sets Out To Change Negative Mindsets About Suicide After Son Took His Own Life
Have news you must share? Get in touch with us via email at news@mustsharenews.com.
Featured image by MS News.
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