Love comes in many forms — but is it important to actually hear the words, “I love you”?
In a recent discussion on the r/askSingapore subreddit, Singaporean Redditors shared their thoughts on how parenting styles have evolved over generations, especially in expressing affection and apologising to children.
The thread, titled “Do your Singaporean parents ever apologise or say ‘I love you’ to you?”, has drawn over 150 comments, with many Singaporeans resonating with the topic.
The discussion began when the OP shared their experience living in the United Kingdom (UK), where they were surprised to see how openly affectionate British families are.
They are “always saying I love you,” she wrote. That was when it struck them — they couldn’t recall a single time their own parents had said those words, or even apologised for anything.
Instead, she found the idea of verbal affection so uncomfortable that the thought of saying ‘I love you’ out loud gave her “goosebumps”.
However, it wasn’t that their parents didn’t love them, she said, it was just never expressed through words.
Many Redditors echoed the sentiment, with one sharing that their parents had never hugged them or shown any physical affection.
They added that parents believe that the excuse of simply giving birth to them is reason enough never to be wrong.
Source: Reddit
“If I call them out for their hypocrisy, I get berated instead,” one user said.
Source: Reddit
Another pointed out that their parents display more acts of service rather than expressing words of affirmation.
Source: Reddit
A commenter brought up a common Chinese saying that goes “打是疼, 罵是愛”, which translates to “beating is a form of affection, scolding is an expression of love”.
Source: Reddit
While older generations may have been reserved in expressing love, young Singaporean parents today seem to be changing the norm completely.
Redditors who identified themselves as young parents shared their own perspectives and practices.
One said that they always tell their children “I love you”, reinforcing it through both words and actions.
Source: Reddit
Another agreed, saying that modern parents treat their children with more respect, ensuring that they feel valued and emotionally secure.
Although some users had different experiences growing up, most agreed that parenting styles in Singapore have evolved significantly over time.
One Redditor reflected on how they used to feel “emotionally stunted” due to the lack of verbal affection from their parents. However, as they grew older, they realised it was just a cultural difference.
“I think understanding and realising my parents are also flawed individuals allowed us to have a better relationship,” they wrote.
Source: Reddit
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