On Wednesday (9 Nov), a family court ordered 65-year-old woman Mdm Lily to move out of her home.
She was living with her 91-year-old mother, Mdm Kan, who was reportedly abusing her for five years.
Meanwhile, Mdm Lily’s five other siblings had kept their distance to avoid Mdm Kan’s harassment.
Two of them have personal protection orders against Mdm Kan, who showed up at their homes and workplaces to harass or abuse them.
According to Channel NewsAsia (CNA), the abuse apparently started in 2016. Mdm Lily – not her real name – claimed that her mother would slap her, pull her hair, and strike her with a walking stick.
Source: Google Maps
In Jan 2016, Mdm Lily applied for a personal protection order. This came after her mother hit her left leg and hand with a feather duster until it broke.
She also bit her arm, yanked her hair, stomped on her feet, and hit her head with bedroom slippers.
Mdm Lily’s application was successful, and both women received mandatory counselling at Care Corner Project Start (CCPS).
However, CCPS officers found Mdm Kan screaming at her daughter during an unannounced visit in June of that year.
Mdm Lily had wanted to leave against her mother’s wishes. The latter’s increasing agitation led to the involvement of the police.
Upon their arrival, Mdm Kan grew more aggressive and officers subsequently placed Mdm Lily in a crisis shelter. She returned later that month after Mdm Kan signed a safety plan agreement to not assault her daughter.
Mdm Lily shared that counselling did not curb her mother’s violence. However, she rejected further intervention by CCPS.
CNA reports that despite the personal protection order, Mdm Kan’s abuse of her daughter continued from 2016 to 2021.
In 2017, the elderly woman breached the order on six occasions. Two years later, she punched her daughter for buying the wrong potatoes in January.
In Aug 2021, Mdm Lily was waiting for admittance to Tan Tock Seng Hospital’s (TTSH) Emergency Department for insomnia. Witnesses spotted her mother hitting and scolding her, as well as trying to pull her intravenous plug.
When TTSH staff tried to intervene, Mdm Kan waved them off with her walking stick. On another occasion at the same hospital in Nov 2021, Mdm Kan pushed her daughter’s head twice and tried to snatch her phone.
When a security guard attempted to escort her out of the hospital, she allegedly bit them.
According to CNA, court documents also stated that Mdm Kan was emotionally abusing her daughter by manipulating her.
She confined her to her home and kept the keys, refusing to let her daughter leave by herself.
Accompanying her on grocery or library trips, Mdm Kan justified it by saying the world “is a scary place”.
She additionally claimed that if her daughter went out alone, she would be the victim of rape or murder.
In Jan 2019, Mdm Lily required hospitalisation due to her mother’s assault. The 91-year-old had punched her in the eyes and nose until she suffered a nosebleed and had to go to the hospital.
Since Apr 2021, Mdm Lily has been hospitalised on several occasions for insomnia. She went to a different hospital for her worsening insomnia as well.
As a result, both hospitals were concerned that her mental condition may have affected how severe she considers the risk of assault by her mother, potentially leaving her more vulnerable to further abuse.
Interviews with professionals also revealed that Mdm Lily denied incidents of violence, creating excuses for her mother’s abuse when they provided her with evidence.
Despite fearing her mother, Mdm Lily continued to believe she was safer at home.
Mdm Kan, who has not shown any sign of remorse, has Organic Mood Disorder and brain damage which may have contributed to her aggression.
Meanwhile, her daughter’s medical report stated that she held “unrealistic expectations” for her mother’s behaviour to improve.
As such, the Adult Protective Service found that there’s a “high risk” that Mdm Kan’s abuse may escalate if her daughter remained with her.
The judge also noted that Mdm Lily wanted to return home to take care of her mother. However, the judge said this is “premised on the erroneous belief” that her mother has turned over a new leaf and will not hurt her anymore.
She hence urged Mdm Lily’s siblings to come forward to offer “much-needed familial support”.
The court will review the case in 12 months, with community agencies supporting Mdm Kan in the meantime.
Any deterioration in her health could cause the court’s order to change, as it was one of Mdm Lily’s concerns.
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Featured image adapted from Google Maps.
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