Telling a friend they shouldn’t be doing something is rarely an easy conversation to have. Nobody likes being told what to do, and even well-meaning advice can come across as nagging, judgemental, or downright intrusive, potentially offending them or straining a friendship you’ve spent years building.
But what if the thing they’re doing could put their life in danger or get them in serious trouble with the law?
Drug abuse, for instance, can have serious consequences for a person’s health, relationships, and future, making it much harder to simply look the other way.
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Despite how uncomfortable such conversations can be, a recent poll suggests that many respondents would still be willing to speak up if a friend was abusing drugs.
In an Answers.sg poll, MS News asked readers a fairly straightforward question: “If you knew your friend was abusing drugs, would you speak up?”
The results indicated that most respondents would speak up.
Of the 719 responses received, about 74% said they would speak up if they knew a friend was abusing drugs. Meanwhile 18% preferred to stay out of it, and the remaining 8% weren’t sure what they would do.
For writer JY, much would depend on how close she was to the friend in question.
“If we’ve known each other for years and I know they trust my opinion, I’d definitely pull them aside for a chat,” she told MS News. “I’d tell them I’m concerned, encourage them to seek help, and maybe share some resources. But at the end of the day, there’s only so much I can do. I can’t make their decisions for them.”
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JY makes a fair point: we can’t control someone else’s decisions, but speaking up is still a meaningful first step that could help prevent a loved one from falling deeper into drug abuse.
Being willing to intervene and knowing how to approach such a sensitive conversation, however, are two different things.
It’s easy to imagine ourselves delivering a flawless comeback from the comfort of our couch. But what happens when we’re put on the spot, someone challenges our beliefs, and we have just seconds to respond?
‘Pop My POV’, a game show under the DrugFreeSG initiative, puts participants to the test through debate-style discussions. Hosted by Caitanya Tan and featuring content creators Cayydences, Jayne, Chow Jia Hui, and Aimrun, the series sees them voice their views on drug-related issues and challenge one another’s arguments for their assigned stance.
Source: The Straits Times on YouTube
There’s a twist, though: the content creators don’t get to choose which side they defend. At the end of each debate, a live studio audience votes for the viewpoint they agree with most, and the one with the fewest votes literally gets popped in the form of a balloon.
Episode 2 tackles the very dilemma explored in our poll. If a friend insists they know what they’re doing and aren’t hurting anyone else, would you still speak up, even at the risk of losing the friendship?
As Aimrun pointed out: “Sometimes, you know, this concerned-looking thing might look a bit judgey.”
“Intervention could be counterproductive in this situation. I think if you push too hard, the damage can’t be undone. I think we should step back and observe, respect their boundaries, and just analyse from afar and ask ourselves, what’s going on?”
However, fellow participant Chow offered a different perspective:
Staying close doesn’t mean you have to stay silent.
And that’s an important distinction. The key is finding a thoughtful way to approach the conversation without pushing someone away.
The other episodes explore equally thought-provoking issues. Episode 1 questions whether drugs being legal in certain countries makes them acceptable to try, while Episode 3 examines how social pressure can influence our decisions, even when something goes against our better judgement.
No matter whose POV gets popped, hearing different perspectives can help us understand why someone might hesitate to speak up and how to address their concerns more thoughtfully. Sometimes, all it takes to get the conversation started is sitting down for an honest chat.
Even with the best intentions, finding the right time or words to raise such a sensitive topic can be tricky, especially when we’re worried about how a friend might react.
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For a little guidance, Uninfluenced.sg has a quiz to help us discover our influence type, whether that’s Empathy, Reason, Gut, or Wit. The website also features real-life stories, information on navigating influences around drugs, and practical conversation guides.
For instance, what if someone in our squad is experimenting with drugs? Leading with Empathy could mean having a private chat rather than calling them out in front of everyone, giving us a chance to listen and express our concerns without judgement. Better yet, if we notice a friend struggling, checking in early could help them get the support they need before drugs even enter the picture.
Or perhaps a friend mentions trying drugs overseas because they’re not against the law there. Instead of launching into a lecture, we could appeal to Reason by asking whether they’ve considered the health risks, or pointing out that legality doesn’t necessarily mean safety.
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Ultimately, there’s no magic phrase guaranteed to change someone’s mind about drugs. Our friends may appreciate our concern, disagree with us, or simply not be ready to listen, but that doesn’t mean speaking up is pointless.
After all, being a good friend doesn’t mean agreeing with every decision they make, and a little awkwardness might be a small price to pay when their wellbeing — or even their life — is at stake.
This article was brought to you in collaboration with the DrugFreeSG Office.
Featured image adapted from Bianca Constantinescu’s Images on Canva, for illustration purposes only.