Last year, Ku De Ta raked in over $800,000 a week
That luxury club at the corner of that ship perched on top of three joss sticks at Marina Bay actually managed to earn $115,000 every single day of 2014.
Sure, Ku De Ta is technically also half a restaurant, but bringing home more bacon than Manchester United flop Radamel Falcao seems like a pretty sweet deal.
In fact, just to prove how much $43 million really is, we’ve come up with 14 things you can buy with that incredible moolah!
1. 21 Lamborghini Aventadors
Everybody needs a good car. Why not get a Lambo?
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Sure, the Lamborghini Aventador might cost almost $2 million after COE and be a complete gas guzzler, but just. look. at. it. It’s your ultimate metal fantasy.
There’s even a basic bitch model available to excuse you from signalling on a late Saturday night because the entire car already screams ‘drunk bitch who can’t drive’:
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2. 172 30 ft. yachts
A typical 30 foot yacht that can fit 3 bikini babes and 2 guys will cost an estimated $250,000.
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Meanwhile, 172 of these babies mean 172 x 3 = 516 hot bikini babes feeding you red wine and cherries.
It also means you’ll look like an asshole hogging the entire dock with your parked boats.
Note: Costs of taxation, boat license, maintenance, red wine and cherries are not included.
3. 4 luxury landed properties right smack in town
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One of these palaces (The Whitley Residences is its real name) costs an estimated $5.5 million.
With $43 million, you get the entire residence.
You might as well start a resort (add in a 2nd Ku De Ta while you’re at it) to make another $43 million.
4. 1870 Singapore Airlines Suites Class round trip tickets
One round trip ticket for the first class of the first class costs up to $23,000.
Now you may be asking, what is THAAAT expensive on a plane that makes up $23,000?
Well… (disclaimer: you will feel as expensive as a peanut after reading this.)
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AÂ special golden boarding pass, exquisite and freshly prepared food BEFORE your flight, a queen sized bed all to yourself, headphones from Bose, Salvatore Ferragamo amenity kit, Givenchy bedsheets, pillows and towels, Foie Gras AND/OR Lobster for breakfast, lunch and dinner if you’d like…………
Okay okay, I’ll stop.
5. 33,541 Louis Vuitton handbags
This classic Louis Vuitton Speedy costs an estimated $1,282. Which is probably worth more than my net worth will ever be for the rest of my life.
Wait, did I just doom myself to eternal poverty?
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6. 8,337 Cinderella Glass Slippers from Jimmy Choo
A pair of the Cinderella 110 costs $5,158. Fork out that amount and you can feel like a princess who’s a noob at pulling an all-nighter.
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By the way, those shiny things on the pump are crystals, NOT GLASS. And we all know Cinderella’s supposed to wear a GLASS slipper.
So even if you’re rich, the most you’re gonna get is being a half-baked Cinderella. Damn it, Jimmy Choo!
7. 349,593 bottles of Sauvignon Blanc Astrolabe wine at Ku De Ta
Want to know why these bottles ($123 each) made the list?
Because of the sheer pompousness of the wine’s name, which was so pompous that I was unquestionably obliged to copy and paste it right out of Ku De Ta’s menu and into my title (instead of attempting to spell it all out), less I subject myself to the grammar police working for the likes of Floyd Mayweather and Tom Cruise.
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8. 1 Christian Grey’s private jet…….. well, almost
With $43 million, you’re $5 million short from getting this jet featuring a pilot seat infested with the pixie star dust Christian Grey left on it after the one time he seduced Anastasia with it.
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Just kidding, the $48 million is exclusive of his rainbow farts.
9. 2,810 unnecessarily expensive Tiffany & Co. Diamond Rings
So, the smaller the fashion item, the more expensive it is. Wait, what?
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With $43 million and at a loss for choosing what to do with my money, this… thing worth $15,300Â undoubtedly makes the top of my list.
10. 60,140 private chefs to cook fancy French food
Ever feel like you’re bored of having Foie Gras at Marina Bay Sands and you want something COMPLETELY refreshing, like just having Foie Gras somewhere else?
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We recommend *insert pseudo posh french accent* Chef Damien Le Bihan from My Private Chef, who cooked Foie Gras at Marina Bay Sands and will now charge you a couple hundreds more ($715) to cook Foie Gras at your home!
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11. 3,071 boob jobs for a cup so big, you need a new letter in the alphabet
Maybe you also fancy breaking a Guinness World Record?
No?
What if it’s endorsed by Katy Perry?
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I see you’re looking through your bank account for 3,071 payments of $14,000Â now…. *wink*
12. 23 super expensive Richard Mille watches
It’s so expensive ($1.85 million), watchmakers couldn’t even be bothered with a proper name.
Introducing, The Richard Mille:
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And oh, oh, I have a name suggestion.
How about The Watch That Costs Almost As Much As A Lamborghini But Will Never See The Light Of Day For Irrational Fear Of Being Scratched?
Too long? Yeah, probably.
13. 17,917 one year luxury gym memberships
This is Ronnie Coleman, aka one of the biggest bodybuilders of all time.
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And he’s here to remind you of the person you’ll never be. Nope. Never. Ever.
If you pay $43 million for 17,917 memberships at Pure Fitness, you’ll have 17,917 memberships at Pure Fitness.
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But you’ll still pay that $2,400 a year anyway.
Last but not least, the best thing on this list. Are you ready?
Brace yourself.
.
.
.
14. 21,500,000 packets of Chicken Rice from Ananas Cafe
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This is the one thing on the list that needs no description.
Looking at mere pictures of its existence is a luxury that you, dear reader, can barely even afford.
$2 a pack, Chicken Rice from The Ananas Cafe is all you need to discover the meaning of life. It is life.
#ChickenRiceIsLoveChickenRiceIsLife
Alright, that’s all folks!
See you in part 2 after Ku De Ta makes another $43 million.
I’m just kidding, you waste 10 minutes of your life reading this, I waste hours writing it. C’est la vie.
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With reference to Coconuts Singapore
