How Toshiko Kadir found out about her adoption in her late 20s
As a teen, Toshiko Kadir was fully aware of how different she was.
In her case, it was not just how she looked, but also that her family was unlike the others.
Toshiko knew for a fact that her father was half-Japanese and half-Indian Muslim Singaporean, while her mother was from Southern Thailand.
And she celebrated this diversity every day as a child.
Toshiko’s adoptive mother and father. Image courtesy of Toshiko Kadir.
Her younger years were filled with weekends listening to Bossa nova and Okinawan music.
These were carefree days when she would watch the Japanese hit series ‘Ultraman’ dubbed in Malay and Wong Fei-hung movies.
“It was fun with so many festivals and traditions to follow, such as Vesak Day and Japanese New Year,” said Toshiko, who is now 61 years old.
“I remember seeing Thai Buddhist monks at temples, then having Japanese dolls at home.”
Toshiko as a child. Image courtesy of Toshiko Kadir.
Growing up as a “sheltered and well-cared for” child, she didn’t notice her unique upbringing or what set her apart from the people who raised her.
“I accepted my family for being colourful,” said the Chinese Singaporean.
Image courtesy of Toshiko Kadir.
So, it was only at 17, after 10 years of growing up as a minority in a convent school, and occasionally questioning her fair complexion, that Toshiko asked her parents if she was adopted.
The question had then angered her adoptive mother. So she quickly shelved that thought until about a decade later.
Finding out about her adoption
Toshiko would find out about her adoption through her sister on 14 June 1991.
She had just given birth to her second son four days earlier—an event that unexpectedly triggered the big reveal.
“My husband chose the Japanese name ‘Akio’ [for our son] as a nod to what we believed was my Japanese heritage,” said Toshiko.
However, her family had then opposed the choice, and her sister soon revealed the truth about her heritage.
Toshiko with her mother and her sons. Image courtesy of Toshiko Kadir.
13 years later, Toshiko would piece together the final pieces of her identity while going through her late father’s belongings.
Her adoption papers and original birth certificate identified her as ethnically Chinese, with the surname ‘Lim’.
Toshiko Kadir’s birth certificate. Courtesy of Founders’ Memorial, National Heritage Board.
She would also find out that her family moved from the East to Serangoon Gardens as they were worried that her birth parents — who were their next-door neighbours — would want to take her back.
Though she occasionally thinks about her birth parents, Toshiko spends more energy appreciating the life that her adoptive parents have given her.
Toshiko’s parents with her sons. Image courtesy of Toshiko Kadir.
“I had such a lovely childhood, which wasn’t lacking in any way. I hope my adoptive parents knew that I loved them truly as my only parents,” she said.
Singaporean’s unique story featured in free Founders’ Memorial exhibit
By sharing her adoption story, Toshiko hopes to inspire optimism in others.
Replicas of Toshiko’s birth certificate, adoption papers, and her father’s blue suitcase — in which she found these precious documents — are on display at the Founders’ Memorial. These replicas have received much positive attention thus far.
As part of the ‘Not Mere Spectators: The Makings of Multicultural Singapore’Â exhibition, which runs till 29 March, Toshiko’s story is featured as one of the examples of interracial adoption in Singapore prevalent from the 1930s to the 1980s.
Toshiko and her eldest son, Antoine. Image courtesy of Toshiko Kadir.
“I was touched and surprised to see the extent to which my story was featured, and I hope that my experience and optimism go on to impact another individual,” she said to MS News.
She urges those struggling with their identity to embrace the world and their complexity, and to cultivate a good foundation of nurturing and love.
“I experienced so much diversity, with lots of Indian uncles, Malay adopted family, Thai family — sounds, sights and food from all over the world,” added Toshiko.
“We are lucky we get to learn from so many diverse cultures and colours. We embrace this because this makes us strong.”
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Images courtesy of Toshiko Kadir.
