New Dad Says Not Spending Time With Wife Feels ‘So Foreign’ To Their Relationship
In a series of videos, a Singaporean dad with a newborn baby reminded new parents that spending time together alone is just as important as being good parents.
He shared his own struggle with not getting enough time to spend with his wife and how they found a helper to help with this.
Even after they got a helper, the OP said his wife had trouble breaking out of her habits of taking care of a newborn.
Luckily, they sat down to discuss the importance of spending time together outside, and she agreed.
The OP urged new parents to remember that keeping a marriage strong is important too.
Dad shares difficulty of not spending enough time with his wife after baby arrives
TikTok user @happierwithyourmouthopen posted three videos talking about one of the hardest things about being a new parent.
For him, it wasn’t the diaper-changing, late nights or learning to take care of a baby.
It was actually not getting to spend time with his wife.
The OP, Jo, explained that this “sudden inability” to spend time with her was because he’d be resting while she took care of the baby, and vice versa.
“And so we literally did not get to see each other or spend time together often,” he lamented.
Even when they had time to spend together, the couple would only want to sleep.
“That, to me, was one of the painful and difficult things of being a new parent,” Jo said.
Decided to get a helper despite his discomfort
After a month and three weeks of having their baby, Jo said he called his wife halfway through the workday.
He suggested that they should hire a helper so that they can spend more time together.
“Dear… I don’t think I’m doing very well. Yes, work is intense. Taking care of the baby at night is intense. But I told her that what is the fact that I don’t get to spend time with her or talk to her.”
He remembers tearing up during this talk, even though he says he doesn’t cry often.
While he may not like the idea of getting a helper, he felt that the need to spend time with his wife supersedes that.
The story does not stop there, however.
Helper arrives six months after baby is born
After the couple decided to hire a helper for their baby, however, it took six months to find one.
Unfortunately, she fell ill with pneumonia the same day she arrived and had to be sent back, adding to the delay.
He said the couple’s entire world revolved around the baby during these six months.
Including the two to three weeks spent teaching the helper how to take care of her, it was around seven months in since their baby was born.
It was to the point where when he suggested going out on a date, she declined.
Because they spent so much time taking care of the baby, they had fallen into habits and routines revolving around their daughter.
They were tough to break out of, he said. She was concerned that something might happen to the baby when they were away.
“That’s completely normal,” the OP mused, noting that mothers share a chemical bond with their children.
“But darling, I need time alone with you,” he retorted. “Outside of the house.”
She, apparently, thought they were already spending time together alone at home. However, the OP said he has a “daddy switch” that he struggles to turn off at home.
As such, he wanted to spend time with his wife outside the house.
Dad believes spending time with wife to strengthen marriage is just as important
In a third video the OP posted, he continued his story.
He said his wife disagreed with him and felt it would be “too much of a privilege” to head out on a date as new parents.
The couple then sat down for a discussion to talk about this.
“Our conclusion at the end of the day… was that it isn’t too much of a bonus or privilege to take out one day of the week to just spend time together,” he relayed.
He felt that it was just as important for the marriage to be strong as it is to take care of the baby.
Luckily, she agreed with him, bringing him comfort and relief.
Though he reassures parents that it’s normal to be caught up in caring for a newborn, he urges them to remember that time alone with their spouse is a bonus.
“Before you were parents, you were most importantly a married couple, and you need each other,” he concluded.
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Featured image adapted from @happierwithyourmouthopen on TikTok.
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