Some stories are just simply outrageous
Ah, National Service.
The great equalizer.
The one reason where thousands of young Singaporean men gather to spend 2 years wearing green, shooting bullets, and forge unbreakable bonds of brotherhood.
The very premise of gathering a bunch of boys to go through collective experiences inevitably stews a crock-pot of weird stories that simply don’t happen anywhere.
So, we asked those around us for their best NS stories.
You do not have to be in NS to find these funny — these are just some great stories that will tickle your funny bone. Here are 11 stories that will get you laughing or you might end up giving yourself a face palm.
1. Always cover up after you are done with your business
“When I was having a field camp during my SCS (Specialist Cadet School) foundation term, the sergeant gathered us around and told us that someone did not cover up their poop after they were done.
“Of course, no one admitted and the poor overall-in-charge of the section had to scoop the poop up in a plastic bag and go around asking whose poop it was.
“No one admitted, and he had to pack that bag of poop in his field pack and only disposed of it when we returned to camp.”
2. Never apply camo cream on only parts of your face
“During an SCS training we all had a bonding activity where we had to apply camo cream to our faces just to look like vikings. We only applied streaks of the cream on our faces and went out under the scorching sun.
“When we went to wash up after we all looked like tigers with weird tan lines from the camo cream! Who knew that stuff could double as sunblock?”
3. The classic fall-in fails
“By 5.30am we have to fall in and a little before that the in-charge of the bunk will have to lock up the room and fall in too. So if people who were still bathing (and do not bring along their clothes) and can’t reach the bunk in time, they will be locked out and forced to fall in with a towel wrapped around their waist.”
4. Pack your army necessities only when you are fully-awake
“I brought my pair of boots to camp. They were both the left side.”
5. Sergeants are not paid enough to listen to your woes
“Once, a recruit told me that he doesn’t have enough underwear for booking in and wearing at home. Seriously, I’m not paid enough to handle this nonsense.”
6. Go to your sergeant first before your mommy
“One of my friends complained to his mom that the fan in his bunk broke down and his mom complained to MINDEF. The next day we all kena whack by our sergeants.”
7. Your bunk mates will love you no matter which country you were from
“There was a guy in my bunk who was from China and he hardly speaks English. During a grenade-throwing exercise we had to declare our IC number, if we have sweaty palms or not and things like that — saying about five to six lines before we throw the grenade.
“Because his English was horrendous, we all had to huddle together and translate the entire passage into Chinese for him.
“He somehow still managed to screw his sentences up.”
8. NSF shed blood and tears during their training
“After field camp we had to take off everything we were carrying on our body as fast as we can. One of my bunk mates was so pumped that he took out his rifle so quickly that he hit his cheekbone. He was covering his face and crouching on the ground groaning and we all thought something serious happened.
“When the medic finally pried his hands away from his face, he was bleeding.
“Turns out, he burst a pimple.”
9. Shaved heads = burnt scalps
“Most of us are not used to be under the sun without hair. And when we first enlisted most of us will end our activities as commandos.
“Because our scalps are burning red like the commando’s beret.”
10. Wash your filthy uniforms the right way
“After field camp the mother of some guy in my company complained to MINDEF because her washing machine spoiled after washing her son’s dirty uniform.
“Apparently, the mud and filth from the uniform clogged up the washing machine. Our whole company got into trouble and from then on, we weren’t allowed to bring our uniforms home to wash again.”
Good job man.”
11. When you’re too good to pee in the forest
“If we want to pee during our BMT field camp we have to do it in an area called the Latrine point.
“One of the guys refused to use that area because it was gross and smelly, so he peed into a zip-lock bag. In order to hide that from the sergeant, he opted to put his bag of pee into his field pack.
“Lo and behold, the bag of pee exploded in his field pack and he and his buddy got into trouble.”
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Featured image via Every Singapore Son