MS Speaks: Practical Singaporeans are not wired for romance
What happened to the good old “Will you marry me”?
True horror is if my partner asks me to fill out forms for a house before getting down on one knee.
Yet this is the (accepted) reality of some young adults in Singapore who are looking to settle down.
An overly-friendly uncle — a man in his 60s — once shared that he “proposed” to his wife by asking her to buy a HDB flat with him. It seems that not much has changed with the younger generation.
This made me think, are we missing the point of marriage?
Marriage is not romantic
As a child, the weddings I attended always seemed more like social gatherings than celebrations of love.
Sure, there was joy, laughter, music, and dancing — but it always seemed like the guests were enjoying themselves more than the newlyweds, who were stuck greeting everybody and running around for outfit changes.
There was none of the romance I saw on TV.
When my peers started getting married, the rose-tinted glasses shattered for real.
There were nightmarish stories about massive guest lists, figuring out seating arrangements to prevent family drama (not romantic), managing a wedding budget (even less romantic), and determining who did not give enough in their red packet.
The list of things to settle goes on, and on.
Source: Best for Bride. Image for illustration purposes only.
Growing up made me realise that maybe, there is little romance in getting married.
Maybe it’s just a thing people do because they believe it’s essential to becoming an adult.
Not to mention that in Singapore, getting married also comes with practical perks, such as housing options. So, it just makes sense to do it.
Along the way, we may have forgotten the significance of two people tying the knot — that getting married is, ultimately, a bold statement of love and commitment.
Government study says people in Singapore are getting married later
A recent report by the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) states that fewer people in Singapore are getting married, and the numbers are not all that surprising.
Look around and you’ll see young adults doing everything other than getting hitched, from pursuing side hustles to taking that career sabbatical to become a farmer in some far-off country.
People are also getting married later, with the median ages for grooms and brides rising to 31.1 and 29.6 years, respectively, in 2024.
Source: Min An on Pexels. Image for illustration purposes only.
The common trend? People seem to be prioritising self-growth and happiness over quickly settling down with a life partner.
And can you blame them? A wedding, a Build-To-Order (BTO) flat, and starting a family will practically burn a hole in your pocket.
Singaporeans are a practical bunch, and now our heads are telling us that maybe, just maybe, it doesn’t make sense to rush into marriage, especially if your heart is not 100% in it.
Romance should not be confused with love
However, to say romance is well and truly dead might be overkill.
The optimist in me would like to believe that while the excitement and passion of romance may be a little lacking, love still exists on our little island.
For this same MSF report states that declining marriage numbers also highlight a drop in marriage dissolutions.
More people are staying married for at least 10 years, and I take that as a sign of deep, enduring affection.
Despite the trials and tribulations of married life, couples in Singapore are trying to make their relationships work. For better or for worse, until death do them part.
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Featured image adapted from Min An on Pexels, for illustration purposes only.
