Disputes lawyer shares key takeaways from her tough job
“We cancelled our annual wedding anniversary movie as I needed to prepare for a contested divorce ancillaries hearing,” wrote 40-year-old disputes lawyer, Luo Ling Ling in a recent post on her LinkedIn page.
She and her husband, also a lawyer, had found themselves without any time to plan something special for their 20th anniversary.
However, even when work sometimes gets in the way, the couple — happily married with four kids — still “light up” when they see each other.
Ms Luo shares with MS News how they have managed to remain married all these years, despite their hectic schedules and the emotional weight of her profession.
Source: Luo Ling Ling on LinkedIn
‘Professionals at ending marriages’, yet committed to their own
It is a curious irony to spend one’s professional life dissolving marriages, yet come home determined to safeguard one’s own — but that is the reality for Ms Luo, a Managing Director at her own law firm.
“I’m not sure how we stayed married,” she admitted candidly, citing “20 years of bills, chores, messy hair, exhaustion, laundry, stress”.
However, even without makeup, fragrant perfumes or perfectly styled hair, her husband makes her feel truly seen.
“Maybe we stayed married because we value each other, not how I look or how I make him feel,” she said.
Ms Luo shared that her husband, Derrick Fan, 40, is also a lawyer at another firm.
Though “professionals at ending marriages”, she and her husband have chosen to remain steadfast in their commitment to each other, describing themselves as “dogged individuals, determined to be with each other, and physically inseparable”.
“Our love for each other transcends jealousy, petty quarrels, and fleeting disagreements,” she said.
Image courtesy of Luo Ling Ling
Lawyer cherishes marriage more after handling each divorce
Being in the legal profession, Ms Luo shared, has influenced how she approaches conflict or compromise at home.
Her experience in family disputes made her more patient when navigating her own domestic conflicts.
“The more family disputes I handled, the more patient I was, the fewer fights I start and the more I compromise,” she said.
But if she had certain issues she feels particularly passionate about, she would “fight it all the way” with her husband.
“My profession has not changed who I am at the core, but it has given me more wisdom to avoid acrimony in my own home,” said Ms Luo.
One would think that dedicating a large amount of time to dissolving marriages can be rather disheartening.
However, rather than letting the dark clouds of divorce cast a shadow over her own life, Ms Luo treats every case as an opportunity for her to reflect, learn from her clients and cherish her own marriage.
Couple juggles law careers, marriage & four kids
Celebrating 20 years of marriage, raising four children, and maintaining successful legal careers at the age of 40 is quite an impressive feat — and it all started in 2002 at Anglo-Chinese Junior College (ACJC).
When both were selected to represent the school for an external event, Ms Luo remarked that it felt like a “match made” by the school.
Having established very early on that they wanted four children, her husband asked her to “stead” just 12 days after their first meet, on Valentines’ Day.
The rest, as they say, is history.
The secret to keeping a blissful marriage, Ms Luo shared, is mutual patience, love, trust, and full honesty.
“Derrick has done a lot for me,” she added.
When she was setting up her own law firm, he left his stable bank job to attend law school, so he could help her with the firm.
Image courtesy of Luo Ling Ling
Now that their kids are grown up, with the youngest being 12 and the oldest 19, they are able to leave them to their own devices and focus on their careers.
However, they still remain conscious about the example they are setting for their children.
While they avoid fighting in front of them, the couple make it a point to resolve conflicts in their presence — in a calm manner should the topic be suitable and relevant.
“We want our children to know that communication is important for conflict resolution,” said Ms Luo.
“If they were to have disagreements amongst themselves, we hope that they would communicate with each other openly.”
Image courtesy of Luo Ling Ling
“Forgive and forget if you can,” says lawyer
Recently, the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) released its Family Trends Report, revealing fewer marriages in Singapore in 2024 compared to previous years.
The report stated that 26,328 marriages were registered last year — a 7% drop from the 28,310 recorded in 2023.
When asked to weigh in on the statistics, Ms Luo said: “If you were never married, you would not need a divorce.”
She explained that the legal system used to be far more adversarial, which could be one reason some people might choose to avoid marriage altogether.
Ms Luo shared that all the divorce cases she’s handled so far involved marriages that could no longer be salvaged.
Both parties, she explained, were pushed to a point where divorce was inevitable and the necessary course of action for the well-being of their families.
“Forgive and forget if you can,” she advised. “But if you cannot forget, move on decisively.”
Remaining in a loveless marriage under the illusion of affection, Ms Luo elaborated, can often cause more harm to both oneself and the children.
Though she describes marriage as “unglamorous”, she and her husband make the conscious choice each day to show up for one another.
Marriage is not without its trials. It is no bed of roses.
But if both parties are determined to keep the spark alive, then everything may just fall right into place.
Also read: S’pore sees drop in marriages over last few years, people are also getting married later
S’pore sees drop in marriages over last few years, people are also getting married later
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Featured image adapted from Luo Ling Ling on LinkedIn and courtesy of Luo Ling Ling.
