Singaporeans weigh in on whether confidence earns more respect than courtesy
A discussion about politeness in Singapore has sparked debate online after a local man claimed that being respectful often led to him being treated poorly.
Posting on the Singapore Raw subreddit, the man shared that he had gradually become more direct and less accommodating over the years, which he felt resulted in people treating him with greater respect.
His observations resonated with some Singaporeans, while others argued that confidence and politeness are not mutually exclusive.
Reddit user says politeness felt like ‘an invitation to get disrespected’
The discussion began when a Reddit user, who identified himself as Daniel, claimed that his experiences in Singapore had taught him one lesson:
You’ve got to speak aggressively, or else people will walk over you.
Image by MS News. For illustration purposes only.
The 28-year-old software engineer said he had always considered himself a polite and respectful person.
Speaking to MS News, he said he felt that others had previously responded to him with condescension or rudeness, whether in workplaces, friend groups, or everyday interactions.
“It always turns into a battle of egos about who is bigger and who should submit to the other in friend groups and workplaces,” he said.
Being polite seems like an invitation to get disrespected.
Daniel said he later adopted a more direct communication style and became less tolerant of behaviour he disliked.
Source: nuttapong puna on Canva. Image for illustration purposes only.
“They were more respectful and were even quick to apologise when they made a mistake,” he shared.
While he acknowledged that he was not necessarily trying to appear dominant, he felt that others interpreted politeness as weakness.
Change in tone may have signalled confidence, says OP
When asked what had changed, Daniel suggested that people may have been reacting less to aggression itself and more to the confidence conveyed through his tone.
“It may signal that I won’t accept being walked over, and people adjusted their behaviour to avoid crossing that line.”
Daniel also believed that Singapore’s culture played a role.
Image by MS News. For illustration purposes only.
“We are not like some other countries where being polite is usually reciprocated…so naturally, people who are more soft spoken will have a harder time navigating the culture.”
The 28-year-old noted that many seemed to be “selfish” and have “transactional” relationships, which leads others to view interactions with three things in mind:
How you look, your social status and what you can offer them.
“So focus your energy on building yourself, being humble and in the right relationships.”
Singaporeans divided over whether directness earns respect
The post quickly drew responses from fellow Singaporeans, many having mixed feelings towards the idea that politeness is seen as a weakness.
Many agreed with the notion, finding their kindness not being reciprocated by others.
Source: yawow49 on Reddit
One netizen shared that as a soft-spoken individual, they often find themselves being talked over by others.
Source: yawow49 on Reddit
On the other hand, others felt that many people are genuinely polite and that there should be a balance between treating others with respect and standing up for oneself.
Source: yawow49 on Reddit
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Featured image from MS News.
