More stereotypes than your 8am brain can handle
There’s nothing like pulling yourself out of bed for another day of glorious work. You put your face and hair together and convince yourself that it’s a brand new day. But then you remember that you still have to take the public transport and you remember the all-too-familiar faces that Singaporeans see on public transport every day.
Here are the types of people you encounter on your way to work or school in the mornings.
1. The Banker
He stands at the bus stop in a suit, dress shoes, and a briefcase. Looks like he’s paid way too much to squeeze with the commoners on public transport. Your assumptions are proven right when he takes his EZ link card out of his wallet and you realise his bulging wallet is bigger than your hand.
2. The Corporate Walk-of-shamer
The one who looks like she is still dressed from last night’s party. You only know she is traveling to work because of that employee-pass hanging off her cleavage.
3. The Techie
This one starts with his iPhone on the train. Once he is done with updating his social media accounts, he whips out the iPad for a quick game of Halo. After that, he gets the portable DVD player out of the bag to watch watch an episode of The Game of Thrones. You just watch in awe.
4. The Olympics Trainees
These are the ones who make a sprint for the train doors right before it shuts. It’s do or die for the athletes; they either squeeze through and join the winning crowd or get smacked by a closing train door.
5. The Beauty Queen
Watch in awe as this girl perfectly contours her cheeks, shapes a flawless winged eyeliner, and gives birth to a whole new face on the crowded train.
6. The Gossip Aunty
Sharing news of her friend’s boyfriends/husbands/cats to the world on loudspeaker mode since she bought her first phone. She dramatically screams into the phone, hoping somehow that it will make the reception better.
7. The Cute Person At The Corner
This is the guy who are trying to look at without looking too creepy. The one whom you just took a stealthy side-profile of and sent to your girlfriends. Private investigators should hire you.
8. The Creepy Man
The man who keeps staring at you, giving a creepy smile or wink whenever you make eye contact. How long does it take for a man to stare at you before you know for sure he wants to kidnap you?
9. The Pole Hogger
The last thing you want in a crowded train is to reach for the pole but grab a handful of some someone’s back fats instead. These are the people who lean onto the pole during rush hour and attach themselves onto it like a human-vine. Meanwhile, they rest of us try to keep balance on our invisible surf-boards.
10. The Heavy Sleeper
This guy’s body is in perfect harmony with the movements of the train. He sways his head from side to side like palm tree enjoying the breeze of a tropical island dream that he is in.
11. The Pseudo- Sleeper
This one fake sleeps so that he doesn’t have to give up his seat for the heavily pregnant woman standing in front. Prick.
12. The Hand Slider
Sometimes our grip slips when we hold the pole. But when hands touch, you move it back up, or else.
13. The ones who don’t move to the centre
All of us could fit if you would kindly shuffle a few inches in.
14. The ones who can squeeze in between everywhere
On the other hand, if the train is beyond packed, there will always be a guy who thinks his form is liquid, trying to squish his way through, beyond everyone’s comfort.
15. The gluestick couple
The ones whose lips are held together by a strong magnetic force.
16. The Public transport dancers
Happy feet who are working on their dance moves on the move. Any time is practice time.
17. The Staring Baby
This baby is propped on his mothers lap with a free reign to stare and stare a lot. While you are minding your own business, you feel a pair of eyes on you. You look at your phone, out the window, close your eyes. But every time you look back, the baby is still there, watching you.
17. The Gap Minders
This one is a shout out to the commuters who have slipped into the gap between the platform and the train. But jokes aside, we are glad no one was injured.
Have a safe ride!
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